What did Daddy Say?

These have been an absolutely hectic past couple of weeks. I apologize for my apparent lack of posting, so I am making a public commitment to you that I will write once a week. 

A friend of mine recommend that I read How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. Not only that, but she recommended I read it once every year. 

As soon as I began reading Friday afternoon, I realized why she had recommended I read the book with such frequency. I also became rather self-conscious because as I sat alone at lunch reading the book, it may have seemed I was doing so because I do not have any friends. Fortunately for me, that is not the case, but I digress.

Carnegie describes ways in which the reader may become more others-centered, more empathetic, and engaged in interpersonal relations. He speaks of improving one's listening skills and appealing to the interests of others in discussion. In a nutshell, his message stems from the Golden Rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do to you." How can you make others feel worthy, important, and appreciated? 

The more I read, the more I found myself reminiscing upon the good old speech Dad would give the Sunday before the first day of school. Since we changed schools fairly frequently, my siblings and I often felt a certain degree of trepidation associated with meeting a whole host of new and unfamiliar faces. 

"To make a friend, you have to be a friend," Dad would always tell us. 

This seems to be at the heart of Dale's call to action. Dad didn't just tell us this. He taught this message to us through his actions. At his practice, the vast majority of patients rave about Dad's kind, friendly manners and his evident humility. His patients feel cared for and respected, which are uncommon sentiments felt at medical offices.

Once during the summer at the drugstore, Dad was picking up some prescriptions and I some mascara. As I was perusing the CoverGirl section, another shopper, a physically and perhaps mentally handicapped woman, joined me and we got to chatting about the available deals on mascaras. We agreed that we would equally contribute to a two-for one deal on "Falsies," a line by Maybelline. Still mooching off the parents (it was break...come on!), I handed Dad our choices at the counter so that he could purchase them. Once away from the counter, he handed over the woman's mascara. She insisted she contribute to the purchase, but Dad would not let her. She thanked him and me profusely and we left the store for home. 

Sitting in the copilot seat of the red Chrysler Town and Country, I was suddenly uncomfortable with how unnatural it was for me to help someone even in such a small way. It came so easily for Dad. I was stirred and encouraged to act the same, and no longer be "all talk." 

On the way to a workout, I called my Dad and asked him if he had ever read the book. He said he hadn't. I read him a few of the major points and he said, "Well, that sounds like a lot of common sense." I had no choice but to rather sheepishly agree. 

The golden rule sounds intuitive enough due to cultural reinforcement and, for us behavioral economics people, "empathic neurons" as Jeremy Rifkin. We read techniques for getting along with people in self-help books and hear about them in leadership classes or parents' lectures, but when does it really sink in? When do we find ourselves not encouraged, but challenged to live up to our opportunities to act kindly and empathetically. For me, it was by following my role model, my Dad. 

Yep. My mom got a good one.

Goals and Resolutions

Today, I had my first class in Game Theory, where we discussed "Learning Goals" for the class. There is so much meta-cognition these days! My goodness.

Regardless of the corny classroom nomenclature of the day, I do have a few goals for the semester:

1. Spend less money by curbing my Starbucks/Caribou habit to one overpriced coffee beverage per week. I have a mutual fund to establish. Who doesn't want to be a millionaire (corrected for inflation) using index funds? 
2. Intentionally network by scheduling two networking/professional advice conversations per week. I have a small notebook for documenting these incredibly enlightening conversations. I also have a prototype for a business card and a stack of substantive resume paper ready for action. Thank God for same-day printing. Tip of the day: shop around for printing rates. I guarantee that you could save an arm and a leg.
3. Apply for three jobs per week. My internship coordinator has challenged me to raise this number to five. In this economy, I'm up for the challenge. 

I've tallied one job application and two conversations so far this week. The song of the Starbucks siren is not yet strong enough to take me captive to my own indulgence! 

On a broader note, I believe there are three central components to establishing goals for oneself which I used to formulate my goals. After years of short-lived New Year's resolutions, I ask you to consider what is an appropriate goal.

1. Goals ought to be challenging beyond the convenience or difficulty of an ordinary routine. This reasoning assumes that there is diminishing marginal cost of choosing the new habit or activity over what was done previously. Based upon the assumption that it is possible to accomplish this over the course of a few weeks (21 days at the least), the marginal cost of choosing among alternative options approaches zero over time. Yet another assumption is that the initial marginal cost of decision making is positive, indicating that the resolved behavior is counter-intuitive or non-habitual.
2. Goals also ought to be possible, or "plausible" as politicians like to say. Though anyone who has watched 2am infomercials will tell you that miracles happen-typically involving the Bow Flex, some goals are simply unrealistic. If you aren't training with Jillian, Bob, and the gang at the Biggest Loser, the odds are against you that you will turn into a body-builder or supermodel within the next few months. This is not Debby Downer speaking. This is Realist Rita. Even so, microeconomics teaches us that we have asymmetric value functions, meaning that people feel loss or failure more strongly than a gain or a win. Don't set yourself up for failure. Allow yourself to experience the benefits of little wins contributing to your main goal. Failure is NOT fun. If this interests you more, click here. 
3. Goals should be attractive enough to demand your investment. Take ownership of the efforts you are making. Do something you have a passion to do. One word: incentives. 

As for accomplishing these goals, I recommend you visit The Five Minute Economist to see what he has to say. Great material. He mentions StickK, an employer of one of my good friends, Tanner. It's a wonderful concept founded by those brilliant Ivy Leaguers that MBAMama likes to befriend. 

Fishing with the Doctor

No economics today, but a bit of story time perhaps?

The family had the privilege of staying in a condo at Islamorada, one of the Florida Keys. To the delight of the Doctor, the island is known for fantastic sport fishing. Almost every day, he would wake up a few hours earlier than the rest of the family-most awoke around 11:00 am-and spend the morning fishing and reading his Bible.

One late night by the pool-most of us went to bed around 1:00 am-I joined the good Doctor in a brief evening fishing session. I quickly learned which way not to reel in a fish and how one can very quickly render a fishing line utterly useless. Thank God for the spare! I also decided never to use the now gut-covered nail clipper that Dad brought on the trip. Enough said about that.

Before I retired from my short-lived fishing career, Dad caught an eight inch sea bass. 

"Ah, this one's small," he said after unhooking its mouth. "Grow up!" 

As the fish plopped back in the water, I mused that fishing is fairly similar to dating. 

1. People are attracted to one another by some means or other, may it be through physical beauty, interesting personality, or even convenience or proximity. There are so many supply and demand connections here that I could spend hours on...
2. They take the bait, or conversely, reel it in, perhaps both parties not knowing what they are really in for.
3. Through some form of trial and error, however brief or extended, one or both of the involved parties decide whether or not to pursue the relationship. Keep it, or throw 'em back over your shoulder for something else?

So far, I haven't had a whole lot of dating experience in my time. Let's face it, you only meet so many people by the time you are 21! But what I have learned is that I haven't stopped "growing up." As soon as I overcome one hurdle, another edges onto the horizon. I'm a huge believer in the cliche that "life is a journey." Dating is no different. Every experience is part of the learning process. Embrace the learning!

What's on the current docket o' development? Most recently, I'm coming to terms with my youth by learning a little humility. I acknowledge that I have much yet to understand, both about myself and relationships. It may be inconvenient at times, but it's not a moral dilemma to be "a work in progress." It can, however, be a huge blessing for someone you trust to encourage you to "grow up!" Regardless, it's most beneficial to listen to them and JUST DO IT! (Yes, thank you, Nike).

As far as I heard, there were no plaque-worthy catches, but my dear ol' dad gave me a lot to think about. Perhaps I will put "Grow up" on a plaque!