What did Daddy Say?

These have been an absolutely hectic past couple of weeks. I apologize for my apparent lack of posting, so I am making a public commitment to you that I will write once a week. 

A friend of mine recommend that I read How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. Not only that, but she recommended I read it once every year. 

As soon as I began reading Friday afternoon, I realized why she had recommended I read the book with such frequency. I also became rather self-conscious because as I sat alone at lunch reading the book, it may have seemed I was doing so because I do not have any friends. Fortunately for me, that is not the case, but I digress.

Carnegie describes ways in which the reader may become more others-centered, more empathetic, and engaged in interpersonal relations. He speaks of improving one's listening skills and appealing to the interests of others in discussion. In a nutshell, his message stems from the Golden Rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do to you." How can you make others feel worthy, important, and appreciated? 

The more I read, the more I found myself reminiscing upon the good old speech Dad would give the Sunday before the first day of school. Since we changed schools fairly frequently, my siblings and I often felt a certain degree of trepidation associated with meeting a whole host of new and unfamiliar faces. 

"To make a friend, you have to be a friend," Dad would always tell us. 

This seems to be at the heart of Dale's call to action. Dad didn't just tell us this. He taught this message to us through his actions. At his practice, the vast majority of patients rave about Dad's kind, friendly manners and his evident humility. His patients feel cared for and respected, which are uncommon sentiments felt at medical offices.

Once during the summer at the drugstore, Dad was picking up some prescriptions and I some mascara. As I was perusing the CoverGirl section, another shopper, a physically and perhaps mentally handicapped woman, joined me and we got to chatting about the available deals on mascaras. We agreed that we would equally contribute to a two-for one deal on "Falsies," a line by Maybelline. Still mooching off the parents (it was break...come on!), I handed Dad our choices at the counter so that he could purchase them. Once away from the counter, he handed over the woman's mascara. She insisted she contribute to the purchase, but Dad would not let her. She thanked him and me profusely and we left the store for home. 

Sitting in the copilot seat of the red Chrysler Town and Country, I was suddenly uncomfortable with how unnatural it was for me to help someone even in such a small way. It came so easily for Dad. I was stirred and encouraged to act the same, and no longer be "all talk." 

On the way to a workout, I called my Dad and asked him if he had ever read the book. He said he hadn't. I read him a few of the major points and he said, "Well, that sounds like a lot of common sense." I had no choice but to rather sheepishly agree. 

The golden rule sounds intuitive enough due to cultural reinforcement and, for us behavioral economics people, "empathic neurons" as Jeremy Rifkin. We read techniques for getting along with people in self-help books and hear about them in leadership classes or parents' lectures, but when does it really sink in? When do we find ourselves not encouraged, but challenged to live up to our opportunities to act kindly and empathetically. For me, it was by following my role model, my Dad. 

Yep. My mom got a good one.

Goals and Resolutions

Today, I had my first class in Game Theory, where we discussed "Learning Goals" for the class. There is so much meta-cognition these days! My goodness.

Regardless of the corny classroom nomenclature of the day, I do have a few goals for the semester:

1. Spend less money by curbing my Starbucks/Caribou habit to one overpriced coffee beverage per week. I have a mutual fund to establish. Who doesn't want to be a millionaire (corrected for inflation) using index funds? 
2. Intentionally network by scheduling two networking/professional advice conversations per week. I have a small notebook for documenting these incredibly enlightening conversations. I also have a prototype for a business card and a stack of substantive resume paper ready for action. Thank God for same-day printing. Tip of the day: shop around for printing rates. I guarantee that you could save an arm and a leg.
3. Apply for three jobs per week. My internship coordinator has challenged me to raise this number to five. In this economy, I'm up for the challenge. 

I've tallied one job application and two conversations so far this week. The song of the Starbucks siren is not yet strong enough to take me captive to my own indulgence! 

On a broader note, I believe there are three central components to establishing goals for oneself which I used to formulate my goals. After years of short-lived New Year's resolutions, I ask you to consider what is an appropriate goal.

1. Goals ought to be challenging beyond the convenience or difficulty of an ordinary routine. This reasoning assumes that there is diminishing marginal cost of choosing the new habit or activity over what was done previously. Based upon the assumption that it is possible to accomplish this over the course of a few weeks (21 days at the least), the marginal cost of choosing among alternative options approaches zero over time. Yet another assumption is that the initial marginal cost of decision making is positive, indicating that the resolved behavior is counter-intuitive or non-habitual.
2. Goals also ought to be possible, or "plausible" as politicians like to say. Though anyone who has watched 2am infomercials will tell you that miracles happen-typically involving the Bow Flex, some goals are simply unrealistic. If you aren't training with Jillian, Bob, and the gang at the Biggest Loser, the odds are against you that you will turn into a body-builder or supermodel within the next few months. This is not Debby Downer speaking. This is Realist Rita. Even so, microeconomics teaches us that we have asymmetric value functions, meaning that people feel loss or failure more strongly than a gain or a win. Don't set yourself up for failure. Allow yourself to experience the benefits of little wins contributing to your main goal. Failure is NOT fun. If this interests you more, click here. 
3. Goals should be attractive enough to demand your investment. Take ownership of the efforts you are making. Do something you have a passion to do. One word: incentives. 

As for accomplishing these goals, I recommend you visit The Five Minute Economist to see what he has to say. Great material. He mentions StickK, an employer of one of my good friends, Tanner. It's a wonderful concept founded by those brilliant Ivy Leaguers that MBAMama likes to befriend. 

Fishing with the Doctor

No economics today, but a bit of story time perhaps?

The family had the privilege of staying in a condo at Islamorada, one of the Florida Keys. To the delight of the Doctor, the island is known for fantastic sport fishing. Almost every day, he would wake up a few hours earlier than the rest of the family-most awoke around 11:00 am-and spend the morning fishing and reading his Bible.

One late night by the pool-most of us went to bed around 1:00 am-I joined the good Doctor in a brief evening fishing session. I quickly learned which way not to reel in a fish and how one can very quickly render a fishing line utterly useless. Thank God for the spare! I also decided never to use the now gut-covered nail clipper that Dad brought on the trip. Enough said about that.

Before I retired from my short-lived fishing career, Dad caught an eight inch sea bass. 

"Ah, this one's small," he said after unhooking its mouth. "Grow up!" 

As the fish plopped back in the water, I mused that fishing is fairly similar to dating. 

1. People are attracted to one another by some means or other, may it be through physical beauty, interesting personality, or even convenience or proximity. There are so many supply and demand connections here that I could spend hours on...
2. They take the bait, or conversely, reel it in, perhaps both parties not knowing what they are really in for.
3. Through some form of trial and error, however brief or extended, one or both of the involved parties decide whether or not to pursue the relationship. Keep it, or throw 'em back over your shoulder for something else?

So far, I haven't had a whole lot of dating experience in my time. Let's face it, you only meet so many people by the time you are 21! But what I have learned is that I haven't stopped "growing up." As soon as I overcome one hurdle, another edges onto the horizon. I'm a huge believer in the cliche that "life is a journey." Dating is no different. Every experience is part of the learning process. Embrace the learning!

What's on the current docket o' development? Most recently, I'm coming to terms with my youth by learning a little humility. I acknowledge that I have much yet to understand, both about myself and relationships. It may be inconvenient at times, but it's not a moral dilemma to be "a work in progress." It can, however, be a huge blessing for someone you trust to encourage you to "grow up!" Regardless, it's most beneficial to listen to them and JUST DO IT! (Yes, thank you, Nike).

As far as I heard, there were no plaque-worthy catches, but my dear ol' dad gave me a lot to think about. Perhaps I will put "Grow up" on a plaque!

Running Lady

The public high school nestled in the center of the borough serves five districts. During my four years at this school, it seemed as if there was an even distribution of family incomes represented by the student body. My cohort, of the 450 students in my class, included 100 or so students who enrolled in AP classes for the better part of their high school experience. I'd estimate that the majority of these kids would be excluded from free tuition were they to be accepted at Harvard.


For this reason, it's not uncommon to see high school students, obviously still in puberty, hurtling down the road in their parents' late model BMW X5 or Lexus RX 330. My vehicle of choice was a 2000 Toyota Sienna XLE, a very, very late model soccer mom-mobile, may it rest in peace. Back in high school, I had the privilege of driving this fine "desert sand" vehicle to and from school. Without fail, my copilot, Miss Diva-in-Training would push our departure closer and closer to 7:15, the last possible minute to leave and still be on time. We would hurtle down the hill at 40 miles per hour in rain or snow, for there are no other weather patterns where I live. It is during these briefer and briefer trips that I found my idol, Running Lady.


Every morning, we would pass a tall, thin blonde woman in her late fifties happily jogging on the side of the road with a happy yellow lab. She was always stylishly dressed in the latest activewear, presumably from lululemon. I assume this because it is expensive, but worth every penny, but I digress. There she was, a vision of middle-aged fitness in lavender and black. After accidentally nearly killing her a few times, I knew that I wanted to be just like her when I grew up. That and alive.


With this in mind, I was very excited to begin my journey to be like my role model and start running again. I noticed that the local drunk kids prefer Nikolai liquor, whatever that is, as evident by a count of two bottles within two miles. I am also very proud to report (again, I know) that during my 6+ mile run, I only walked up one hill, which was vertical. Good for me! So far, no shin splints and the hips and knees are feeling fine. I like to think that I am well on my way to achieving my goal.


Running Lady (I bet your name is Marsha), wherever you are, may you live a long and accident-free life! May your joints never wear out and may your dog always be happy and well-hydrated!

A Christmas rat, perhaps?

It's Christmas Eve and the family has already broken through the Xmas goodies. The Doctor called it Xmas because we are having "fake Christmas," or December 24th Christmas. The next order of business: to exit the premises by 3:30 pm for Florida. A few quotes:


"How will we wake up the Diva and the DJ? Let's get Pepper (one of the three guinea pigs). She's the scurriest!" What a precious awakening.


"No, Tweenie, you cannot bring all your Christmas presents to Florida. They will rip off the wrapping paper and we [are too cheap] to pay for more baggage."


"Ah, yes, a Christmas hound." The beagles enjoyed a good frolic through the wrapping paper before they headed off to the kennel. That was not their best Christmas surprise, to be sure. Poor babies.


In my rushing around the local strip mall for essentials such as medication, Timothy hay (we also own three guinea pigs), and gluten-free goodies, I stopped by the small animal cages at PetCo. Unlike those of us who have a plane to catch rather than a Christmas eve service to stumble into half an hour late, much of the western world is taking advantage of one last shopping day. With regard to pets, 'tis the season to find a furry little friend under the Christmas tree or the Hanukkah bush. In other words, domesticated animals are in very high demand. This is taking into account that birthdays and animal feedings occur at an equal rate undifferentiated from other times of the year. Of all the animals to be found under the tree, the common white rat, Rattus norvegicus, is not one of them. Regardless of the high demand for pets, the supply of rats exceeds the demand for the beasts. This is what we call a surplus. There's your principles of microeconomics lesson of the day, a "simple gift" from me to you.


On a brief personal note, I gave myself a fantastic Christmas present. It is probably the best so far in my brief adult life. I gave myself the gift of fitness. Since being home, I went to the JCC-happy Hanukkah!-and worked up to running/jogging/continuously moving more than six miles! This is a most appropriate gift before a beach trip. I built up my willpower, pushed my boundaries, and held off gratification. Excellent.


Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, everyone!

Don't Cry Over Spilled Milk or Wasted Concert Tickets

The other day, the FutureDJ and I were threatened with the negative consequences of our inaction. MBAMama had purchased four tickets to an indie band as per the request of the little broski and myself, with the anticipation that he and I would be bringing a couple friends. Broski's friend bailed and I very quickly discovered that my friends would be back from finals the following week.

Thursday afternoon:
"I'm not really feelin' it," commented Broski.
"Me neither," I answered, hoping first to side with my brother and second to leverage the cumulative past 21 years of semi-responsible oldest sibling cred.
"WHAT? Are you serious? I paid $12 apiece for you to go see this concert and you aren't going? No. You are going and you are paying me back for not following through."

Another day, another economics lesson! Though paid for with a credit card (I'm not opening that can of beans, thank you very much!), the concert tickets were paid for as soon as Mommy dearest clicked the "purchase" button on ticketmaster. At that point, we were technically owners of the tickets, free to use or not use them as we please. This phenomenon is called a sunk cost in economics.

It's also associated with a fallacious perception of waste. I'm sure you've encountered it. Grandma, child of the Great Depression force-feeds the grandkids the last of the leftover mac and cheese to the tune of "waste not, want not." Although Grandma clearly has the agenda of fattening us up, the validity of which I am certain, you don't have to eat the last crusts of mac and cheese. It's already made. It's your choice as to whether you will actually eat it. And don't you bring the "starving children in Africa" into this. We are rational people, here!

Though MBAMama knows about sunk costs, she also knows that self-interested kids can have the propensity to introduce unnecessary spending into the family budget. She knows that when we feel a lightening of our own wallets, incentives really start kicking in. And that corresponds to real internal emotional responses that deepens the brain-grooves of convincing, cajoling, punishing, encouraging, and all the rest that is parenting.

If you want a more in-depth example of sunk costs, check out The Sunk Cost Fallacy by You're Not So Smart. Good stuff.

Reading List

This is one of my absolutely favorite books. It's a 1974 NEBR publication discussing the economics of the family. I'm more of a microeconomics and behavioral economics person myself, so it's a very interesting read. It's a bit of a dense read with econometrics formulas and what not, but it's definitely worth it. Great Gary Becker material to enrich your snow day or lunch break.

Economics of the Family